You Can’t Have Freedom Apart From Dark Truths

Is ignorance really bliss? I was blissfully unaware that my mother is a narcissist who abused me emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

I just thought she was normal and that something was wrong with me. But as it turns out, you’re only as free as you are self-aware.

After our last argument, I chose to go no contact with Mom for good. The rest of my family can’t see my point of view, so none of them are speaking to me –not even my dad.  Continue reading “You Can’t Have Freedom Apart From Dark Truths”

When You Trade One Certainty Addiction for Another

My ego is having a really hard time right now. She is struggling with severe certainty addiction withdraw symptoms. Certainty addiction (often associated with but not limited to religion) is the inability to acknowledge that your point of view could be wrong. It’s either yes or no with no room for maybe.

I was conditioned to not only want to know the truth, but to also believe that whatever truth I embraced was the only truth possible. So now that I’ve decided to leave that way of thinking behind, my ego is completely distraught. She’s been vomiting, has the chills and sweats, and is continuously proclaiming that she’s going to die without the drugs.  Continue reading “When You Trade One Certainty Addiction for Another”

Extremes Are Annoying, Entertaining, and Natural

I read this article by Aletheia Luna and after every sentence I said “Yes!” I was so happy that somebody finally said what I felt. I’ve encountered a great deal of rejection on my spiritual journey, and that rejection has given me a savior complex. I just want to help people become more balanced, but nobody seems to want my help. I should’ve gone to nursing school instead.

My friends hate me because I don’t fit into any of their boxes. When I play worship music, my new age friends roll their eyes; when I talk about Gaia, my Christian friends change the subject; and when I bring up astrology, my atheist friends wanna kill me. Sometimes I feel like everybody in my life is an extreme. But what did I expect? This is earth. Souls come here to experience extremes. That’s why my help is not wanted.  Continue reading “Extremes Are Annoying, Entertaining, and Natural”

I Thought I Was My Own Boss, But Apparently I’m Not

I let my body boss me around. I might as well just admit it. Last night I slept for a total of 2.5 hours and then I was up bouncing around, washing dishes, and watching YouTube videos.

I’ve always had an unconventional relationship with sleep, but it’s gotten progressively worse since I started working for myself.

When I worked in sales, I forced myself to go to sleep at night because of my 1.5 hour commute; and when I worked at Starbucks I slept every chance I got because I would usually work from 4 :30 am to 2 pm.

I am now 100% sure that my body wants me to be self-employed for as long as possible, because I no longer have any leverage to use against it for control.  Continue reading “I Thought I Was My Own Boss, But Apparently I’m Not”