You Can’t Have Freedom Apart From Dark Truths

Is ignorance really bliss? I was blissfully unaware that my mother is a narcissist who abused me emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

I just thought she was normal and that something was wrong with me. But as it turns out, you’re only as free as you are self-aware.

After our last argument, I chose to go no contact with Mom for good. The rest of my family can’t see my point of view, so none of them are speaking to me –not even my dad. 

From their perspective, I’ve always been the troublemaker. First, I walked away from God, and then I walked away from them.

I don’t think I would have ever realized the truth about my mother without shadow work. Shadow work is the act of examining your hidden dark side. It forces you to confront inconvenient and unpleasant truths.

I’m fine with ignorance, but not when it comes to anything about my life, my ego, or my shadow.

When it dawned on me that I was a victim of abuse, it gave me insight into why I kept attracting other abusers and bullies. This was a huge “aha” moment.

The truth is liberating no matter how dark it is. Accepting this truth about my mom was an act of self-love.

Maybe I would have never entertained the idea of Gaia if my mother were loving and normal. There would be no void that needed to be filled.

The good and the bad go together. The narcissists and the empaths arise together.

The only thing I’m a little irritated about is the time I need to take to heal from this and reset. Now that I know why I keep attracting abusers, I need to take the necessary time to get stronger and change my point of attraction.

I feel bad for ignoring people right now but if I want to devote the rest of my life to public service (as one who educates and empowers through entertainment), I think it’s best to take my time before I jump into another failure.

My narcissist upbringing programmed me to fail. It’s an ugly truth to admit but it is what it is. I have two worthless degrees and a failed MLM business. I am childless and no one in my family is speaking to me.

But I’m free! I’m free to do what I want now and figure out what’s important to me. And one thing that’s very important is my freedom. My life really isn’t that bad, all things considered. My mom taught me to compare myself to others; now that I’m aware of that habit, I can break it.

Freedom is worth the price even if that price is walking away from my family. I feel like Moana out on her boat (love that movie). “If I cross that line there’s no telling how far I’ll go.”



Author: Carla Calloway

Aries. Introvert. Creative writer. Food enthusiast.