Category: Self Acceptance

Do You Really Need to be in Control?

The need to be in control is directly linked to the need to not be your true self, and here’s why.

So lately, I’ve been paying very close attention to how much I’ve needed to control my hair. It’s no secret that Black women have a very complex relationship with their hair.

But I never fully understood why I struggled so much with mine and why there was always shame attached to my hair. I used to think that it was because of the weaves, the perms, and the heat, or maybe it was the media, or the shady comments from friends and family.

But now, I think it was something else. I think it was because no one ever told me that my hair was something to be proud of. I had no idea that it was alive, and that it was a procreation of me like a child.  Continue reading “Do You Really Need to be in Control?”

Empathy: Writing a New Narrative

Empathy is very interesting because it self-sabotages us sometimes. I remember once in elementary school, the teacher selected me to read a passage from a textbook out loud. Everyone else in the class sighed loudly in disappointment when the teacher called my name.

She said something like, “I want Carla to read because she annunciates and projects.” Even though I was thrilled that she chose me, I felt bad that everyone else was disappointed. So I intentionally stumbled through the passage.

Why did I do that? Why did I think that failing in something I was selected to do would make those who weren’t chosen feel better? Why did I minimize my skill? Why did I want to make my teacher regret calling on me?  Continue reading “Empathy: Writing a New Narrative”

Meltdown Chronicles: I Cried Today Over Curtains

*In Michael Buffer voice*

“In one corner ladies and gentlemen, we have flirty, feisty, and conditioned to be insecure by a narcissistic mother, Carla’s ego! And in the other corner ladies and gentlemen, weighing in at four feet and eleven inches of emotional maturity and philosophical ingenuity, we have Carla’s intuition!…

“Let’s get ready to RUMBLE!!!!”

Yup, you guessed it. My ego and my intuition are fighting again, but this time I’m not handling it very well. I tried to hang some curtains rods today, realized that I ordered the wrong width, and went into a full on meltdown. I mean crying, screaming, throwing things, and everything. Continue reading “Meltdown Chronicles: I Cried Today Over Curtains”

When You Trade One Certainty Addiction for Another

My ego is having a really hard time right now. She is struggling with severe certainty addiction withdraw symptoms. Certainty addiction (often associated with but not limited to religion) is the inability to acknowledge that your point of view could be wrong. It’s either yes or no with no room for maybe.

I was conditioned to not only want to know the truth, but to also believe that whatever truth I embraced was the only truth possible. So now that I’ve decided to leave that way of thinking behind, my ego is completely distraught. She’s been vomiting, has the chills and sweats, and is continuously proclaiming that she’s going to die without the drugs.  Continue reading “When You Trade One Certainty Addiction for Another”

I Thought I Was My Own Boss, But Apparently I’m Not

I let my body boss me around. I might as well just admit it. Last night I slept for a total of 2.5 hours and then I was up bouncing around, washing dishes, and watching YouTube videos.

I’ve always had an unconventional relationship with sleep, but it’s gotten progressively worse since I started working for myself.

When I worked in sales, I forced myself to go to sleep at night because of my 1.5 hour commute; and when I worked at Starbucks I slept every chance I got because I would usually work from 4 :30 am to 2 pm.

I am now 100% sure that my body wants me to be self-employed for as long as possible, because I no longer have any leverage to use against it for control.  Continue reading “I Thought I Was My Own Boss, But Apparently I’m Not”