Carla Calloway, Author at Light Needs Dark

Empathy: Writing a New Narrative

Empathy is very interesting because it self-sabotages us sometimes. I remember once in elementary school, the teacher selected me to read a passage from a textbook out loud. Everyone else in the class sighed loudly in disappointment when the teacher called my name.

She said something like, “I want Carla to read because she annunciates and projects.” Even though I was thrilled that she chose me, I felt bad that everyone else was disappointed. So I intentionally stumbled through the passage.

Why did I do that? Why did I think that failing in something I was selected to do would make those who weren’t chosen feel better? Why did I minimize my skill? Why did I want to make my teacher regret calling on me? Continue reading “Empathy: Writing a New Narrative”

Meltdown Chronicles: I Cried Today Over Curtains

*In Michael Buffer voice*

“In one corner ladies and gentlemen, we have flirty, feisty, and conditioned to be insecure by a narcissistic mother, Carla’s ego! And in the other corner ladies and gentlemen, weighing in at four feet and eleven inches of emotional maturity and philosophical ingenuity, we have Carla’s intuition!…

“Let’s get ready to RUMBLE!!!!”

Yup, you guessed it. My ego and my intuition are fighting again, but this time I’m not handling it very well. I tried to hang some curtains rods today, realized that I ordered the wrong width, and went into a full on meltdown. I mean crying, screaming, throwing things, and everything. Continue reading “Meltdown Chronicles: I Cried Today Over Curtains”

Sex is not for Spiritual Beings… Or is it?

What’s it like to have a role model that’s not human? It’s wonderful… when that role model is the earth. Gaia is a gentle genius and an extremely selfless soul. She is the mother that human women aim to be. And the more I learn about her, the more I realize that it’s impossible to duplicate her perfection.

There’s just one problem though: we think that she’s a nun. After all, planets can’t have sex right? Continue reading “Sex is not for Spiritual Beings… Or is it?”

You Can’t Have Freedom Apart From Dark Truths

Is ignorance really bliss? I was blissfully unaware that my mother is a narcissist who abused me emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

I just thought she was normal and that something was wrong with me. But as it turns out, you’re only as free as you are self-aware.

After our last argument, I chose to go no contact with Mom for good. The rest of my family can’t see my point of view, so none of them are speaking to me –not even my dad. Continue reading “You Can’t Have Freedom Apart From Dark Truths”

When You Trade One Certainty Addiction for Another

My ego is having a really hard time right now. She is struggling with severe certainty addiction withdraw symptoms. Certainty addiction (often associated with but not limited to religion) is the inability to acknowledge that your point of view could be wrong. It’s either yes or no with no room for maybe.

I was conditioned to not only want to know the truth, but to also believe that whatever truth I embraced was the only truth possible. So now that I’ve decided to leave that way of thinking behind, my ego is completely distraught. She’s been vomiting, has the chills and sweats, and is continuously proclaiming that she’s going to die without the drugs. Continue reading “When You Trade One Certainty Addiction for Another”