I can’t follow too many spiritual teachers these days because most of them lack the ability to hold contradictory perspectives. For example, the person who teaches that we need to transcend the ego, doesn’t also believe that you can listen to and work with your ego. Or, the person who teaches that sexual desires need to be corralled and subdued, doesn’t also believe that those desires are not only natural but spiritual.
Pretty much every spiritual teacher I know, teaches that double-mindedness is bad, and drawing a line in the sand is good. But what if double-mindedness is natural, and denying it is what makes you inauthentic?
Now I admit it, I am totally afraid that holding contradictory opinions at all times will cause my brain to overload with cognitive dissonance and eventually make me go crazy. But what’s really wrong with madness when it’s one of the most ingenious ways to live? I’m actually more afraid of the stigma that comes with being labeled as crazy than I am of madness itself.
So if I can get past the “crazy” label, I might be able to make some progress here in admitting that you CAN’T escape duality. You simply can’t do it. You can’t ignore it. You can’t transcend it. You can’t put it on a bus and send it away to boarding school. Your duality means that you are profound and fucked up at the same time, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
But we keep trying to do something about it. We keep trying to implement formulas and master regimens that help us overcome our naughty, contradictory nature. Then we follow and idolize people that are just as crazy as we are, but because they do a better job of hiding it, we think that they’re role models. But most spiritual teachers aren’t role models, they’re cautionary tales.
Spiritual teachers are like the equal and polar opposite to celebrities. One tends to be non-indulgent, while the other tends to be self-indulgent. They are both here as public examples of imbalance for us to take note of.
Now before you “everything in moderation” people start feeling puffed up, moderation is NOT the same thing as acknowledging your duality. Why? Because moderation is controlled, while duality is not. Moderation says, “I only drink one serving of alcohol per day,” while duality says, “Last night I drank five, two nights ago I drank none, and tonight I plan on having two.” Duality is honest about the fact that human beings are a hot mess.
Are you okay with being a hot mess? My Virgo rising most certainly is not! And therein lies the need to hold contradictory truths in tandem, because sometimes life calls for the most authentic person to be a little fake. For example, I once told my manager that the only reason why I get positive responses from my customers is because I let them walk all over me. That’s the God-honest truth.
Now if I wanted, I could be 100 percent true to myself and tell the customers that their first world problems are really not worth all the uproar… but then what would happen? That statement would make them extremely defensive, and they would either hang-up on me or ask to speak to a supervisor. Then I’d have a coaching conversation on my hands and hurt feelings on all sides. So instead, I use my empathy to de-escalate the customer’s emotions while I try to solve their problem. Experience has taught me that that’s the best way to talk to people in both customer service and in life.
My Aries sun absolutely hates this. She’s the part of me that thinks she’s being walked all over. She can’t stand the idea of someone thinking that she’s incompetent or beneath them in anyway, so she cringes every time I say something like, “I am so sorry to hear that. We really dropped the ball.” She sees that as pandering, placating, and above all else, phony. But this is what I love about her. She keeps me honest.
I’m so thankful for the balance that my zodiac chart provides me. The fiery passion is tempered by the polite and dependable earth. The emotional water is leveled by the intellectual air. Everything works together. What seems to be a contradiction is actually a complement, and what appears to be an inconvenience is actually a different angle of insight.
I will reject any and every spiritual teaching that tells me that one part of me is more acceptable than another part. That means that anyone who uses words like “double-minded,” “sinful,” “carnal,” or “immature,” is not the spiritual teacher for me. I don’t care how well that philosophy seems to work for other people, it will never work for me… ever.
I embrace the fact that I am many. And every single one of my “I” experiences are valid.
And if believing that makes me crazy, so be it.
