People take the ego just a little too seriously for me. I really don’t think the ego is that big of a deal. I mean, yeah, it’s annoying, but it’s not evil. Yeah it asserts itself, but it’s just doing its job. Your ego was put in place to protect you; its job is to help you navigate duality safely until you can handle the multi-dimensional universe on your own as your higher self. So stop being so mean to it!Imagine that you are teaching a baby to swim in an Olympic-sized pool. You want the baby to get comfortable in the water and you want him/her to feel safe, so you put those foam floaties on the baby to help in the water. As the baby gets more comfortable in the water he/she has more fun, and as the baby gets older, he/she starts to relax more in the water. In due time the baby starts to rely on the floaties less and less and then they eventually come off. This was how it was meant to be with the ego. And the truth is a lot of us are not ready to take off the floaties yet. Some of us in the spiritual community are metaphorically screaming at people from the sideline of the pool, demanding that they swim like Michael Phelps when they don’t even know how to tread water yet. How is that fair? How does that even make sense? If we want people to live their lives above the influence of the ego, don’t we have to teach them how to swim?
Your ego is the voice of warning and reason constantly playing messages in your head. Sometimes these messages sound like your mother, or your pastor, or a friend. Sometimes it just sounds like you. I’d like to give you some examples of what those messages tend to sound like and how to get your ego to stand down. The bottom line is this: your ego loves you! It really does.
You can speak directly to your ego and it will respond to kind, gentle words. Think of it as a seven year old child who has sworn to protect you forever and ever. If you give it a different perspective, it will eventually come around. I affectionately call my ego “Babe” because it makes me consciously aware of the delicate way I want to communicate with it.
I Love You But Please Don’t Embarrass Me!
This one sounds like my mom. I am her oldest, and she loves me to death, but she’s always made it very clear that I should never embarrass myself and I could never embarrass her (insert 1000 examples here). Your ego is programmed to believe that embarrassment will always lead to rejection, so it fights against authenticity. Carla PLEASE don’t put all of this personal stuff on the internet! What will people think of you? I can’t handle all of the negative comments! I love you but please don’t embarrass me!
Now that you know that your ego’s true intention is to protect you from rejection, you can respond lovingly. Teach your ego to lay down its pride by reassuring its existence.
“Hey Babe, I know you’re afraid that I’m going to be embarrassed and subsequently rejected by others for being so transparent, but I think that people truly appreciate honesty. Besides, worst case scenario, if I end up all alone, I’ll always have you to keep me company!”
I Believe In You and Your Abilities But I’m Really, Really Scarred.
The ego primarily operates through fear because fear can prepare us for unexpected negative outcomes. It figures that the more prepared you are for tragedy, the better you’ll handle it if it does come. Soothe your ego of its insecurities by reminding it of how well you’ve handled tragedies in the past.
“Hey Babe, I know that you want me to be prepared for the worst, especially in this uncertain situation, but look at what’s already happened to us! We survived this, and that, and that too! We are so resilient and so well-equipped! Everything we need in times of tragedy is already within us and we’ve done such a good job! So what do you say? Let’s take this leap of faith together!”
You Have No Right To Be Disrespected! You are Fragile and I Will Protect You!
When the ego is challenged in any way, it feels trapped because it’s afraid that your inner child will drown in the pool. It thinks that it must stand up and fight for you so that you don’t get hurt by others. It becomes angry and defensive. In this situation, gently ask your ego to stand down by reminding it that you are not separate from anybody else.
“Hey Babe, I know that what that person said/did was kinda mean, but let’s step back from this a little and look at it more objectively. They probably didn’t mean it. They’re probably just afraid. Think about all of the times you’ve been afraid and you’ve said something harsh. It wasn’t because you were a mean person was it? So let’s forgive them and let’s show them an example of a balanced person who is not afraid of themselves. We’re all the same at our core anyway. Everything is okay!”
I Shouldn’t Have Done That. That was wrong! Now I must beat myself up for it!
Your ego takes your core beliefs very seriously and when you do something to violate one of those beliefs, it tends to react harshly. Self-pity is a way of your ego teaching you a lesson. It doesn’t want to wander too far into the darkness of your shadow, so it has to make you uncomfortable when you go there. Help your ego forgive itself by teaching it to embrace duality.
“Hey Babe, I know that didn’t make you feel good, but nobody’s perfect right? At least we learned a valuable lesson and we’re dealing with our demons. Let’s make peace with what this just showed us. Let’s explore this naughty aspect of ourselves without judgment and see what else we learn. I know it’s gonna be scary, but maybe it’ll be fun!”
I’m Afraid of Death
Your ego is afraid of death because it was not with you on the other side like your higher self was. That dimension of reality is completely unknown to it and that means it does not have control. It asks questions because it really needs to know what to do to prepare for it. When contemplating death, comfort your ego by using your imagination to slowly loosen its grip on its need to control. Walk it through the grief process the same way that a close friend would.
“Hey Babe, I can’t believe they’re gone and I know you’re really upset right now. Let’s just sit with this feeling for a minute and let it take its course. We don’t need to be strong right now. We don’t need to have the answers right now. We don’t need to do anything but breathe…
“If you’d like, we can plan exactly how we would like to go when it’s our time. Would you like to be at home? Warm in your bed? Surrounded by family? A little drunk? We can plan that! We have more control over own deaths than we realize. We can make peace with it right now. Everything will be just fine and in perfect timing. I promise. I love you Ego.”