No Body Treats Me Like My #1

My hypocrisy is hilarious. I mean I’m seriously such an idiot, it’s funny. Here’s an example: my body-who I call my #1- is like the feminine counterpart to my masculine mind. She’s the one that feels everything and I’m the one that analyzes everything. Okay so here’s the problem:

While I’m constantly snapping at Maurice for brushing off my feelings, I brush off my body’s feelings all the time and tell her/them –your body is both one and many- to get over it.

Now, it’s important to understand that all bodies are female in consciousness and energy, just like all minds are male in consciousness and energy. The male unites with the female to create the complete entity, but you are still many entities in one. That’s why you can feel one way one minute, and completely different the next. 

I believe that men need to respect the Divine Feminine, and I just wrote a seething article about that; but the truth is I don’t always respect the Divine Feminine within myself. My #1 has worked so hard to make me comfortable here that somewhere along the line I forgot that she was the star. I started to think that it was my birthday party instead of hers.

I mean, who steals the spotlight at a five year old’s birthday party? I’m projecting this age onto my body because when I think about children at that age, I think of sensitivity, honesty and unconditional love. There’s no one more sensitive, loving, and honest than our bodies. They are our number one fans in every way. So when your body tries to tell you something, it’s important that you listen.

There was a series of events that led to my realization that it’s my body’s party and not mine. First I noticed that my body would talk to me; then I started to pay attention to how I would respond; then I started to respond to my body in the way that my Higher Self responds to me.

My Higher Self is always gentle and understanding with me no matter how many times I yell at her for ruining my life. She listens to me, gives me full permission to feel whatever I’m feeling, and lets me take my time on my journey. So why can’t I do the same for my body? I’ve tried to control my body the way that some men try to control their female lovers. How hypocritical is that?

First of all, the body can’t be controlled. I don’t care how many vitamins you take every day, at some point in time, you’re going to get a cold. Natural things happen to natural beings. I’m realizing that it’s not about your sickness, it’s about the way you treat your body while you’re sick.

So how do you treat your body while you’re sick? Do you drag it around and demand it gets better, or do you patiently cater to its needs? I hate it when my husband tells me to get over something. I HATE it. So now I know exactly how my body feels when I force it to do things that it clearly doesn’t want to do.

Second of all, let’s not forget how reliable your body is just because it “malfunctions” from time to time. Think about your computer (I think all computers are female too, just like ships): the one time that it freezes or goes too slow for you makes you forget  all the other times that it’s run flawlessly for you. I wonder if it bothers computers when we jump to conclusions about them so quickly.

I know it bothers me when a man says that a woman is being too emotional. So it probably bothers my body when I say that its pain is an inconvenience. I forget how reliable she’s been all these years. I forget that she sacrifices her needs for my ego A LOT. Ladies does that sound familiar?

Now my last point is I’m a very feminine person, but I must admit that most of my life has been dominated by my male intellect. I’ve always been obsessed with the life of the mind. It’s very important to me that I leave behind an intellectual contribution to society. I hate it when people think that I’m ignorant or incompetent.  I will push myself to get things done, suppress my feelings, and ignore the clues that my body is giving me, all for the sake of catering to the mind.

My mind can be so ambitious and demanding that she even confuses my brain sometimes and that’s no small feat. My mind will push my brain until my brain shuts down and tells her to fuck off. And then this gives me a headache, which causes my stomach (who happens to be my body’s spokesperson) to curse me out. It gets really bad sometimes.

Everybody makes up eventually. My mind will promise to stop stressing everybody out, and my body will eventually acquiesce… and everything goes back to normal… that is until my mind starts freaking out again about something else.

But my body has had enough of this now. She’s tired of getting triggered by my ridiculous demands, and she’s sick of being blamed for my inability to understand emotions.

A great many of us are convinced that if you’re not shaming your body and bossing it around, then you must not be a physically or emotionally disciplined person. Oh well, that may be true. But right now my body really doesn’t care. And I have tremendous respect for her for that.



Author: Carla Calloway

Aries. Introvert. Creative writer. Food enthusiast.