I Thought I Was My Own Boss, But Apparently I’m Not

I let my body boss me around. I might as well just admit it. Last night I slept for a total of 2.5 hours and then I was up bouncing around, washing dishes, and watching YouTube videos.

I’ve always had an unconventional relationship with sleep, but it’s gotten progressively worse since I started working for myself.

When I worked in sales, I forced myself to go to sleep at night because of my 1.5 hour commute; and when I worked at Starbucks I slept every chance I got because I would usually work from 4 :30 am to 2 pm.

I am now 100% sure that my body wants me to be self-employed for as long as possible, because I no longer have any leverage to use against it for control. 

The Body Wants What the Body Wants

My body loves not having a routine. It loves that I don’t use caffeine to suppress its voice like I used to. It’s very nocturnal, even though I tried to force it to be a morning person because of my job.

It loves that I eat when it tells me to eat; I used to have a strict schedule to make up for not being a healthy eater, but not anymore!

My body is a quanta: it exists in multiple dimensions and is not governed by linear time. It was never meant to be controlled in the way that I’ve tried to control it.

The Internal Boss

Your body has a boss, but it’s not your conscious mind-it’s your innate mind. Your innate mind knows nothing about your 9-5 job or any of your other stressful obligations. It knows your DNA and how to read and duplicate it. Its purpose is homeostasis.

It knows where every single cell in your body is and what each one is doing. It knows if you have any diseases long before the symptoms begin to show. It knows what you’re allergic to. It runs your unique and powerful inner world.

My innate made it clear that I am an individual. What works for others will not always work for me. She is the one that told me that I didn’t need to go vegan to be healthy (HUGE relief).

She told me that my hands sweat when I’m in heavy traffic because as an empath, I’m picking up on the energies of the other drivers around me.

She also told me that I’m not as tired as I used to be because I’m living the way that I’ve always wanted to live now, instead of the way that I felt obligated to live in the past. This is why self-employment is for me.

My innate mind is extremely disciplined. So much so, that I don’t have to be…as long as I listen to her.

I don’t need an alarm clock. I wake up when I’m recharged.

A daily routine is no longer necessary because I now have the energy to work off of inspiration, instead of perspiration.

I can trust my intuition more because my innate tells me when someone is lying or when something’s not right.

I don’t have to watch my diet meticulously because as long as I show gratitude for my food and send love to my cells, they will convert all food to the energy my body needs.

If I have an ailment, I can ask my innate what will fix it. Sometimes the solution is practical: take two ibuprofen, drink some water, take an antacid.

Other times the solution is more metaphysical: clear your mind, meditate, take a walk to be around nature.

It’s wonderful to realize that I don’t have to build my life and health around what the “experts” say. It’s also humbling to know that my innate is one boss ass bitch.

When I try to explain my social problems to innate, she doesn’t understand. She’s in charge of 37 trillion employees; she clearly has no time for my petty little problems.

It’s like complaining to Jeff Bezos about your three employee local bookstore. Sometimes I think she pities me because I can’t make the simple connection between health and self-love.

She doesn’t have a problem with me doing all of the other things I do to stay healthy. It’s fine that I exercise and get regular checkups. She just wishes that I realized that self-love is the currency that keeps the body running like clockwork.

I’m starting to think that the people in the Old Testament of the Bible lived to be upwards of 500 years old because they trusted their innate minds- and not their egos- to run their lives.

How Many Me’s Are There?

I was introduced to my innate by my higher self through Kryon videos like this one. Only my higher self could let me come across this kind of information. It’s certainly not on my landing page’s newsfeed.

Meeting my innate was like meeting Gaia. It was breathtaking. How could one “person” know and be in charge of so much? It was baffling to my brain.

I keep finding new aspects of myself. I’m starting to wonder how many versions of me there are.

I have a higher self, I have an ego, and I have an innate mind, and those are already too much for my logical brain to handle. They are all very different.

I hope there isn’t anything else to discover because my friends and family already think I’ve completely lost it.

The Cheese Stands Alone

Listening to my innate mind is a very radical idea, but I am a radical thinker. This is a very unique way to live, but I’m not like anybody else. I like being weird. And I like asking deep questions.

Trying to conform to everyone else’s expectations wasn’t working for me. Living that way stressed me out; so I decided to do my own thing.

Now that I’m walking this journey of self-discovery and entrepreneurship, it’s nice to know that I have a role model for that inside of me.

I may be the boss of my business, but my innate is the boss of me… And she runs shit!

I’ve certainly got a lot to learn.


Author: Carla Calloway

Aries. Introvert. Creative writer. Food enthusiast.